Complaining about Complaining

OK, this may be a bit hypocritical, but I am complaining about complaining.  I hear complaining at home.  It is justified.  My husband is in pain, chronic pain wears a person down.

Then I get to work.  I am in a communal office and I hear complaining ALL D@@# Day!  True, it is usually from just one person, but still – complain, complain, complain.

Now, here I am – complaining.

I love to just sit with my dogs or my cat or my horses or my mule.  I scratch and hug them.  They never complain.  They softly purr, or snuggle up close, or nicker – I feel my battery recharging with every second.   (Notice I did not say Gertie Goose.  She is a lousy snuggler but a champion complainer – but, after all, she is a goose.)

Sometimes, I just want to scream – STOP COMPLAINING!  STOP VIOLATING MY EAR HOLES WITH YOUR NEGATIVITY!!  I don’t.  Instead, I just listen quietly.  I try to understand.  People are in pain and frustrated and just trying to cope.

I am also going to try to learn to be better – So, that’s it.  I am done complaining.

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Storm Maker = Peace Taker

Have you ever met someone that creates “storms” wherever they go?  I interact with a Storm Maker very frequently, and I am really struggling.  The atmosphere in the room can be peaceful and positive, but as soon as the Storm Maker walks in, peace and positive flee – the room sours.  The petty snapping and bickering often spreads from the Storm Maker to others, until everyone is angry and defensive.  Everything is always about them, they are always a victim, and everyone else is at fault for any and all problems, both real and imaginary.  I can wager safely that 9 days out of ten, I have committed some wrong – most of the time, I have no clue what it is.  It may be what I said or what I didn’t say or – who knows.  A simple event or change can explode without warning into a full-blown cyclone.  Once the cyclone passes, the Storm Maker feels better, relaxed, and cheerful.  But there is a trail of carnage and destruction – hurt feelings, frustration, and I am ashamed to admit – growing RESENTMENT.

Sadly, the Storm Maker is actually a good person with many great qualities.  I truly care about this person and would hate to cause hurt or unhappiness, I just don’t know how to break the cycle or stop enabling it.  More importantly, how do I avoid getting “sucked up” in the storm?  I clearly cannot change this person, nor do I have the right to do so.  I am not the potter.  I cannot change the interaction – so I must change me – but how?  I am trying to get out of the darkness and I cherish any little bit of “peace” I can find.

I am praying.

 

I Disappointed YOU?

You were angry.

Your hurtful words just flew.

I could feel the sting.

You said I disappointed you.

I was silent.

As your anger pelted me.

I was silent.

And I just let you be.

I just let you rage

Releasing all your pain

Did that make you feel better?

Tell me, what did you gain?

Are we closer now?

No, the opposite is true.

Wondering do you love me?

Wondering do I love you?

Is there any shred of love left?

Any for us to restore?

Was I was silent

Because I don’t care anymore.

Each time you hurt me

I changed

With each lie

I rearranged

I got tougher, harder, meaner,

I grew a thicker shell

I grew wary and untrusting

Frankly, mad as HELL

And now, I disappoint YOU!

How exactly can that be?

Was it while working two jobs?

To provide for you and me?

Or maybe it was my strength

You leaned on without concerns.

Is that why I disappoint you

And your anger burns?

I was silent.

Your words really hit their mark.

I was silent.

Broken in the dark.

 

I’m angry

You show your pain

I hide my pain

I’m angry

You fall apart

I carry you

I’m angry

Everyone worries about you

I am invisible

I’m angry

You say I am strong

But I know I hurt too

I’m angry

I am responsible

I am the adult

I’m angry

I love you

I worry about you

I’m angry

I am sinking into bitterness

I am invisible and forgotten

I’m angry

I have to be strong

To be strong, I have to be angry

I don’t know how to stop being angry

BatCrapCrazy

Have you ever had to deal with someone you could ONLY describe as BatCrapCrazy?  This person is SO negative – the nasty attitude suffocates every positive ion in the room.  While in a room with 8 people, we were all happily brainstorming – working through ideas, treating one another with courtesy and respect.  It was a very positive event.  Even if an idea was not accepted, it was not arbitrarily rejected.  Each person had a voice and we were covering ground.  We were really making progress and everyone was able to feel like a contributor.

Then, BatCrapCrazy arrives using the tongue as a vicious weapon, with impunity.  The remarks were so hurtful, creativity was stifled.  Dialogue shutdown.  Progress – DEAD!

I have a raging migraine and my acid reflux is reaching the solar hotspot zone – after just one hour.

You know the really sad part?  I feel very sorry for BCC.  This is a good person, a smart person – trapped underneath all that hateful negativity.  This person does not see the rubble left in the wake – and I am sure does not hurt people intentionally.  I wish I knew how to help.  It must be so sad in BCC world.